"You Matter. You Have A Purpose"

On my way home from work, I saw a man on a street corner and he was holding a sign. Unlike most guys on the corner with signs, he was very neat looking, and would periodically turn and face traffic coming the from the opposite street. When I got to the corner, I looked at the sign. Instead of "Will work for food", it said, "You Matter. You Have a Purpose". As I turned the corner, I slowed down, said, "Good job Buddy!" and gave him a thumbs up. He smiled back and said, "For Robin."

WOW.

I thought about him all the way home. I don't think it comes as a surprise that many people feel personally impacted by the tragic death of the kind and funny man; Robin Williams. This fellow was saying something to express what so many of us would like to say - You Do Matter. You Do Have a Purpose.

The day it happened, two thoughts came to mind and I want to share my own thoughts. First, people wonder:

"How can anyone get so depressed that they would take their own life?" When my daughter died, I shared another of Robin Williams problems. I turned to alcohol to cope. Alcohol is a depressant - is it really a shock that people who drink too much become depressed?? Alcohol removes all the filters on your impulses. Most of us know that old Uncle George never would have gone skinny dipping in the church baptismal if he was sober. Mary Sue never would have gotten a tattoo which said "that", let alone "there" if she was sober! Is it really a surprise that many suicides involve substance use or abuse. Even though Robin Williams was more than likely sober, he was still an alcoholic, which is a disease and depression is part of that disease - drunk or sober!

I was drunk the night I walked down a road facing traffic, saw a coal truck and knew that if I just stepped one foot to the right, I would never hurt again. What stopped me was a little voice in my soul that said, "But what about that truck driver? What about the rest of his life?" Even at my worst, God has blessed me with a concern for others. I couldn't care for me, but I cared about that anonymous truck driver, and I didn't die that night. I knew that night that I would never try to harm myself again.

During this most recent battle with depression, there has been no alcohol, but the addictive personality of substance abuse has contributed to gaining over 50 pounds. During this battle, I have become even more sure that I won't ever harm myself. It would make some folks just too happy and I am far too stubborn to give them that!

The other question that folks wonder about, "Well everyone gets sad, but I certainly wouldn't do that!"

There are huge differences in some of those feelings. Sad, is when Justin Beaver  cancels the concert you saved to attend. It's when your puppy died, or you moved away from your best friend. Sadness is a normal reaction to a disappointment or to a unexpected loss or disruption in our life. You will fall in love with another amazing 'boy group', or after a time, get a new precious puppy, or learn to work around your loss or disruption. You will survive sadness, and you will probably grow because of the lessons it taught you.

Next on the rung is Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood. This is more pronounced than sadness, and is well on the way to actual Depression, often being very hard to differentiate. This is when your mom dies too young, and you just can't get past the grief. It's when you loose a long term job, it's when you loose a child, it's when there is so much trauma that the event overwhelms your normal coping skills - when life is completely changed for a time. It can be when you feel absolutely betrayed by those you trusted. There are many of the same symptoms as Clinical Depression. You may experience eating issues - too much or too little food. You might not be able to sleep. You might feel that there is no hope, but there are differences as well.




This problem is in all likelihood triggered by an event. It might be a sudden event like a death, or an ongoing event like war. It is possible that the event can also trigger Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The big difference between this and actual Depression, is that (a) it will eventually be okay and so will you, (b) you will find comfort and answers through a counselor, a good friend, and/or a spiritual relationship. For me and for many others, that is a God who sent His only Son to die so that I don't have to. This is who many groups like AA and NA talk about and who they call, 'the God of your understanding'. Many folks have been horribly damaged by  "church folks", but addiction specialists know that only a connection with someone or something stronger than us, is what will eventually win over this great sorrow and addictions.

Depression is what is called one of 'The Major' mental illnesses. Real depression needs real help - counseling and probably medication. It can be managed and folks can learn to live with it, but it is an illness that like addiction, will never go completely away. With depression, there is never a sunny day. The sadness is ongoing and debilitating. People wondered how someone as funny as Robin Williams could be sad. He had an Oscar, money, fame, and a terrible illness. Depression is too often a precursor to suicidal thoughts - a symptom of depression - but it doesn't have to end that way. At one point I told my counselor that sometimes I felt she was my 'rent a friend'. She said that one of the things missing in our culture is the presence of constant friends - folks we could talk to.

Besides my faith, two dear friends have been what has been my salvation many days. I have known that at my worst, when I am not a nice person to be around, there are two people in this world who will let me be ugly and spiteful, who will let me rant, and who will love me anyway. A minister and a counselor have told me that friends like them are what is missing for so many people. I recently heard a sermon where the pastor said he wondered how many church crisis's could have been prevented, how many pastors suicides, how many sexual sins, could have been prevented if every minister had just one person that he felt free to drop every filter with, and felt free to call in the middle of the night and say, "Help Me!"

I am sad for Robin Williams family, but I am grateful for what he left - an open door for a dialogue about depression, addiction, and suicide. I am grateful for my two best friends, and for all the others have helped when it was all too much to deal with, when I felt so hopeless.

Today, I am grateful for a gentleman who held up a sign reminding every car that passed a busy corner, that "You Matter. You Have a Purpose."