April is Child Abuse Awareness Month.

Several years ago, our pastor read an article in the local newspaper, was genuinely upset, and before the sermon, he skimmed the article. It touched me, and I wrote an article for our church newsletter. I sent it to someone in the church to edit, and she said it wasn’t appropriate for church. I can’t think of anything more appropriate for churches and schools to address, so for Child Abuse Awareness Month, I am going to share it here.

HUSH. DON’T TELL ANYONE

2-10-2010

                Last week, Pastor Don quoted the Amarillo Globe on the rise of child abuse in Amarillo. He used the quote to help the congregation learn to focus their prayers, but he also opened the door to a very unlovely conversation. What do we as a church do about child abuse?

                I believe that the first step is to know more about abuse. This information is taken from Childhelp – (National Child abuse hotline – 1-800-4 A CHILD) offers the following definition of abuse.

Child abuse consists of any act of commission or omission that endangers or impairs a child's physical or emotional health and development. Child abuse includes any damage done to a child which cannot be reasonably explained and which is often represented by an injury or series of injuries appearing to be non-accidental in nature.

Major forms of child abuse
Physical abuse - Any non-accidental injury to a child. This includes hitting, kicking, slapping, shaking, burning, pinching, hair pulling, biting, choking, throwing, shoving, whipping, and paddling.

Sexual abuse - Any sexual act between an adult and child. This includes fondling, penetration, intercourse, exploitation, pornography, exhibitionism, child prostitution, group sex, oral sex, or forced observation of sexual acts.

Neglect - Failure to provide for a child's physical needs. This includes lack of supervision, inappropriate housing or shelter, inadequate provision of food, inappropriate clothing for season or weather, abandonment, denial of medical care, and inadequate hygiene.

Emotional abuse - Any attitude or behavior which interferes with a child's mental health or social development. This includes yelling, screaming, name-calling, shaming, negative comparisons to others, telling them they are "bad, no good, worthless" or "a mistake". It also includes the failure to provide the affection and support necessary for the development of a child's emotional, social, physical and intellectual well-being. This includes ignoring, lack of appropriate physical affection (hugs), not saying "I love you", withdrawal of attention, lack of praise, and lack of positive reinforcement.      

                I believe in spanking. I believe it is a parent’s obligation to discipline their child. Most Christians are aware of Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Unfortunately, I don’t think people really read this scripture. We are to teach our children right and wrong, but with love, “as Christ loved the Church.” Ephesians 5:25

                The verse is about husbands loving their wives, but how could a man love his wife, and abuse the product of their love; their children? In I Timothy 3:1-5, the guidelines are set forth for overseers (or pastors or elders, or church leadership). 

1Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. 2Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)

                “But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." New American Standard Bible (Matthew 19:14)

                Don’t you wonder what Jesus must think when He sees a spanking become punching and hair pulling and throwing a child across the room? What must it do to the heart of God to see a child raped, or touched in a way ordained for a married man and woman?

                Pastor posed the question, how do we as a church impact the abuse in our community?

                The first thing you can do as a Christian is to love your children “as Christ loved the Church.” You can be a ‘safe place’. Talk to your children about good touch and bad touch. Let your children know that you will listen and that you will believe them. (Especially small children don’t know how to lie about sexual abuse. If a 3 year comes to you with a bizarre story LISTEN to them. BELIEVE them! Is this story real, or something an older sibling told them? Yes, older siblings use fear to control smaller brothers and sisters.)

                If you teach children in school or church and a child comes in wearing clothing that is filthy or not appropriate for the weather, do you ignore it? Is it a parent who needs help providing for the children or pure neglect? If a child is fearful or has constant bruises, do you wonder who has hurt them? Do you talk to them?

                This is a huge subject: too big for a blog, but too important to ignore. Before we can go out and try to heal the community, we first need to take a look at ourselves and our own families. "For there is no good tree which produces bad fruit, nor, on the other hand, a bad tree which produces good fruit.” Luke 6:43,

                Matthew 7:5 says, “Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?”

                The same thing is written in Luke 6:42: "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”

                Many people, who harm children, are themselves victims, not only of actual physical touch but of pornography that poisons a child’s mind as surely as heroin poisons a body, or of homes where parents communicate with anger and violence; of homes that don't know how to show love and gentleness.

If you have been abused, first talk to God. He has very big shoulders, and can handle anything you need to say. Next, talk to a trusted person – your pastor, a family member, a counselor.

If you are abusing, Ask for and accept help; take responsibility for your own sins. Experts agree that 85% of abusers who get help, will never abuse again.